An Ode to "Chisme"
Nothing beats
The exhilarating feeling
That courses through my veins
As soon as someone says
“I have goss”
I have probably heard gossip since I was in my mother’s womb. She’s lovingly called “the CIA” by my family. She’s the Gretchen Weiners of the Medinas. Actually, that was probably my grandmother, but unlike Gretchen, my Abuelita was a vault when it came to divulging secrets. Her number one rule was that if you asked her to never tell anyone, she never did. And believe me, I tried to get her to spill. Near the end of her life, I begged her to tell me things but she wouldn’t. I would remind her that the person in question died years ago, that it wouldn’t even matter anymore, and she would look me dead in the eyes and say something she never said to me before: “No”.
Point is, I come from a long line of chismosas. And here is a little Spanish lesson for you. Chisme means Gossip. But that is only the closest translation because as my mother would say “Chisme and gossip are very different. Gossip is what Gossip Girl does.” I.e. ruin people’s lives. She never really said what chisme is in contrast to gossip so I will do my best. Chisme is not malicious, it can actually be preventative and healing like “Hey, our friend is having a hard time. Give her a call when you can.” or “Oh you’re working with them? Just keep an eye on them at work parties”. But most importantly chisme fulfills the number one thing that makes us different from any other animal: our desire to tell and hear stories.
Chisme is just good entertainment. And when you’re Colombian there is chisme aplenty. Like the classic chicken v. egg question, I constantly ask myself “Are telenovelas like this because of us? Or are we like this because of telenovelas?” (I should’ve been a philosopher). My family alone has some unbelievably juicy stories that you would probably say there’s no way could be true but they are, and I can absolutely not put them on the internet because, again, that would be very Gossip Girl of me (but hey offer me some lava cakes and let me tell you everything).
But back to my prenatal era. I inherited my mother’s gift of being able to talk to my friends for hours. I mean hours. I literally was on the phone with my friend R for almost 8 hours one day. So my mom was 100% chismoseando (the verb form) when I was developing ears or other essential organs (but ears are the most important for chisme). Once I was born, and could walk, I would frequently fall asleep on my mom as she and her friends continued to talk into the night. I was lulled to sleep by the sounds of women gasping, laughing and comforting one another. I don’t know where I end and chisme begins - I was born and raised on it.
So when my husband G comes home after hanging out with his friends and I ask him what’s new (jk I always say “please tell me the goss”) and he says “not much”, I am speechless.
What did you talk about then? The weather for three hours???? I can't even do that! (Although sometimes I do look at the clouds formations and try to read them like tea leaves - but I digress). Inevitably, what happens is that weeks later he’ll remember what he perceives to be a very innocent update about one of his friends and drop it casually in conversation like “What do you want for dinner? Oh speaking of, X cheated on Y. Crazy right?” And like that scene in Twilight where Edward smells Bella for the first time, or like a shark smelling blood in the water (is it called smelling when it’s underwater?) my pupils dilate, the hairs on the back of my neck rise, and I am ready to feast on this evening’s chisme. After being upset he didn’t tell me earlier of course.
If you too are a fellow chismosa, then hurray! If gossiping is above you and you are somehow a higher being that is not fascinated by our human capacity for contradiction, then good for you! We will have nothing to talk about though.
Here are my personal rules / philosophies of chisme.
Like my grandmother, if you tell me something and specify that you truly do not want anyone else to know, then I will not tell a soul. I expect the same from whoever I share tea with.
Chisme is about human behaviour, not taste. No making fun of people for something that they cannot change. If it’s starting to feel a little like something Blair Waldorf would say and not in a self-referential, humourous kind of way - then it’s not chisme anymore, you’re just being mean. No mean girls allowed. Caveat - this does not apply to the evergreen start of most chisme sessions: “Can I be mean for a second?” That’s just canon.
Chisme helps with community building, value and knowledge sharing. This means that based on how you tell a story and who you align with in a story, I will know what your values are and I can use this to determine if you and I will be aligned. Similarly, it’s about keeping us connected and in the loop so that if someone needs support, we’re not only aware but we can also do something about what we’ve learned.
Chisme most importantly should be fun. It never takes it self too seriously. Again, chisme is just stories we tell about people we may or may not know. The wilder the story, the better. The more social circles removed, the more thrilling. I mean this is why Normal Gossip exists and is amazing.
I’m always curious to know everyone else’s relationship to gossip. So please tell me yours!
xoxo
M (or chisme queen)
